Land of the free, home of the supine....

Land of the free, home of the supine..

There is something that is seething in my brain, a palpable hatred as
festering as herpes on fire, and this something, is also known as the
following: The "debate" over when, how and if to cancel analog
television, and switch to only digital. The fact that there is even a
fucking debate over this, is enough to make my head explode.

I think I am going to say fuck a lot in the next few minutes.

First of all, the very small radio spectrum will be freed up for
spectacular new uses, like "super Wi-Fi". those analog television
frequencies aren’t just going to sit unused. They’ve already been
provisioned for a wide array of wireless data services that could very
well revolutionize broadband connectivity in the United States.

Remember on 911, when no one could get a hold of anyone, and emergency crews were struggling to get even basic life saving information to one another? That is because all of the radio waves were taken up with television. Free it up, free up room for emergencies.

Basically, this is a good thing, a very good thing. Especially for a
country that sucks up technology, like a meth head broadband vampire.

Yesterday, the senate voted to postpone the transition again, from
February 12, to June 12. This was due to the fear that 6.5 million
households without converter boxes, would wake up to static, instead of
their intended Charles in charge marathon.

To be fair, the majority of this group of people, are lower income, the
elderly, and the disabled. So, it is not "nice" to take television away
from these already burdened souls...

Hmmmmm, am I the only person on the planet who is asking the most sane and reasonable question in all of this?

WHEN DID WE DECIDE THAT TELEVISION WAS A RIGHT OR A ASSET NECESSARY TO LIVING?

It is just fucking T.V. "What if they can't get the converter box in
time, and can't watch T.V. yeah so what??? What if?? Why is this
considered an emergency, an actual problem?

We live in a country, where pharmaceutical companies are in bed
with the FDA and literally poisoning our population and making billions
of dollars doing it, there are families who cannot afford to feed their
children on a daily basis, and while the unemployment rate goes up at a
mind blowing percentage every day, we are having a deep, and thoughtful
discussion about whether it is fair to take away television from poor
people or not.

What we consider "poor" and "unfortunate" in this country is fucking
hilarious. We have organizations, homeless shelters, committees, and
boards everyday, trying to figure out ways to help the
needy, and reach out a helping hand. You may not be able to feed your
kids, but you sure can go somewhere and find food for them. You
know what happens to kids in Africa, when their parents die from
disease, or murder? THEY FUCKING STARVE TO DEATH.

Try going up to a 8 year old who is raising his 2 brothers by himself, living in a garbage bag, and eating bark, and tell him your plight about having to spring 30 bucks for a converter box. If you showed them a T.V. They would probably poke it with a stick, thank you for your time, but inform you that they had a brisk 300 mile walk that morning, to be able to find
just enough water to not die.

Just the fact, that we consider this shit box, so important to the
lives of Americans, is exactly the reason we shouldn't have it anymore.
People need to get off their asses, and actually start
participating in their own lives. Go out, create greatness, a new
world, make the most of yourself. You might find life isn't so pointless
if you involve yourself and actually try to change it.

T.V. is the post modern Jesus. "Lead me Lord, tell me what to feel,
show me how to live, show me images that make me feel like shit in
comparison, while I sit on my couch and require the absolute least of
my brain."

The reason that people are afraid of not having television, is that
they are afraid of what they are going to have to actually see when
that ethereal glow is no more.

Shelter, clothing, food, water and dignity, these things are basic
human rights, that I would stand with anyone else and defend for the
less fortunate, but if you think I am going to put any emotion or
effort into defending the less fortunate's right to watch Jerry
Springer, you can go fuck yourself with your universal remote.

Well, I'd love to wax-poetic all night, but I'm off to watch the 2 newest episodes of Flight of the Conchords that I have haven't watched this week on DVR, because I was catching up on LOST seasons 2-4.

Forever the Hypocrite,

LJS

Tale of 2 cunts.

A TALE OF TWO CUNTS. Current mood: In a mood to kill Drew Barrymore
So, I was watching my 4 th episode of sunny, on my favorite day of the week, thursday, because the office and sunny are on, even though the office sucked cock this week. Oh sad sad day, that is a sentence I never would have imagined saying..I digress...Right after that "Fever Pitch" comes on, my friend told me it was good, so I let it play on. Within 12 minutes, out comes Miss drag out her words herself...Drew Barrymore. It is time I address this head on. I FUCKING HATE DREW BARRYMORE.
Drew Barrymore is a fucking horrid actress, she cannot do any of the following.
1. Act
2. Act
3. Act
4. Not be a stupid cunt.
I hate how she talks, I hate her giant face, I hate how she tries to do this "cute" I am so "quirky" I am so fucking "enigmatic" and "blond" stupid face. I don't give a shit if you are gertie in a 30 year old tight body. You are a giant pan faced nasty bitch, who cannot act worth a shit. The following things are what bothers me the most about her.
1. How she pronounces things. It is as if she moved to another planet, where they taught you to exaggerate the end of every fucking word you say. With this discusting strange "aaaaah" sound.
2. How giant she makes her mouth. You already have a huge craw, why do you have to stretch it to its capacity with every word that comes out of your facial vagina?
3. That she is a "psudo" hippy. You cannot be a hippy just because you wear a fucking daisy on your tshirt whore. Just the fact that you drive a mercedes, and live in 2 million dollars houses already kicks you out of any possible future membership in the hippy club.
4. That she married tom green. You are a cunt.
5. Her performance on SNL when she is in the Hot tub with Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch. It was a hilarious sketch, genius. Per usual those mentioned above pulled off spectacular performances, and then came miss cavern face herself, with hands down the words english accent I've ever heard in my entire life. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why even pretend. It was shit and so is your face.
6. That she continues to get work, despire the fact that she is manufactured from pure shit. Why do people still give her work? Because she brings in an audience? RETARDED. she sucks.
Here is an idea. Write a movie, that is all drew barrymore, set up the largest movie theatre of all time, and when every drew barrymore fan from across the fucking continent goes there to see her, you can close the doors, and drop a fucking bomb on it. And while your at it, give them all ebola 3 minutes before the bomb drops, because any brain that loves drew barrymore, should be liquified.
I'm really glad I got that off my chest. Now, I'm off to watch boys on the side, and then put a hole in my face with a 18 inch drill bit.

Causes of anger 2 (the legend of curly's gold)

6. Self Diagnosis.
Yes, I"m talking about you, you fucking retard. And no, you don't have bipolar disorder, or clinical depression, or ADD, ADHD or SIDS.
These are some examples of what I'm talking about:
Example 1 Your hanging out with some gal or guy, and your getting ice cream, they drop the ice cream on the ground, and say, "oh my god, I have to clean that, because I have OCD" Ummmm no you FUCKING DO NOT. First of all, if you had OCD, you most likely wouldn't be able to come out of the house, secondly, OCD is not just random shit that you decide your really keen on doing. It is something you cannot control, it takes over your life, you need to do it to fucking survive. I hate when people say they have OCD for things that any regular human being would do. Yeah, I have OCD to, because I have to wipe my ass after I shit.
Example 2: You are at a really shitty movie with one of your friends, your laying back fantasizing about the guy your going to let fingercuff you later, and then your friend leans over, and says "its really hard for me to watch this, I have ADD." ACTUALLY YOU FUCKING CUNT. You are just bored. We are human beings, we are physiologically designed to work, run, gather, hunt etc.. not sit, loaf,miander,fuck off. Etc..
Quit dignosing yourselfs with depression, you don't have fucking depression, you know what depression is? YOUR LIFE SUCKS. you sit around all day, you eat like shit, your brain cannot function normally because your diet consists of entirely processed foods. So you start to become lethargic, which makes it even worse, you go to your doctor, they tell you, your depressed, you get some fucking medication, and then lay around some more. Great, that solved nothing. You don't have Bi Polar disorder, you just never fucking went to therapy for your uncle molesting you, or for getting raped in elementary school by some old kid, you can't handle it, you stuffed it into your idiot brain, and now its making you act and feel crazy. Your kids don't have ADD, they eat like shit and you never pay attention to them because they are in daycare all day, you don't have OCD your just an attention whore, you don't have IBS, you just have no fucking bacteria in your digestive system, because you live on twinkies and mountain dew. and you don't have SIDS because your not a fucking dead infant.
Also.... YOU DON'T NEED A FUCKING FLU SHOT. GET A BRAIN. AND REALIZE THAT PEOPLE ARE MOTIVATED BY MONEY A LOT MORE THAN THEY ARE BY YOU MISSING A WEEK AT YOUR SHITTY CASHIER JOB.
I have to go, I have acute seasonal depressive obsessive attention deficit syndrome.

Causes of anger.

1. NOSE PICKER HATERS:
I hate when people see someone picking their nose and say "oh my god, gross, that is so gross, why would you do that?" Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam whore. Everyone picks their nose, everyone itches their butt and smells it and everyone looks at their turds to see if it was as gigantic as it felt. I understand not admitting this, but to chastise others for doing it just to make yourself not feel insane is just retarded. Also, everyone masturbates. yes you do. If you don't. You are miserable. and that is why you are on anti depressants. I go at myself about twice a day, and I'm the happiest little whore I know. So...get off your high horse pick your nose, itch your ass and get out the dildo spanky......Its your coming out party.

2. THAT YOU CAN'T BEAT YOUR KIDS
I hate That "that eye for an eye" doesnt apply to your children. Listen, I don't really want to jack my kid in the face. But sometimes, I really consider it. My 2.5 year old son, has come close to killing me...and I'm not exaggerating. 10 minutes ago, he hit me in the face with a kid baseball bat and jammed my top lip into my teeth. Now I have a gaping hole in my fucking lip, blood on my face...and I can't do anything about it, except what? put him in the corner? Do you have any idea how hard it is not to punt a kid when they are laughing at you right after putting a vortex in your soft palate? he whips shit at me all day, punches me, jumps on my stomach when Im laying on the couch, he has given me a black eye, cut my face open, endless bruises, a sprained ankle and 4 bloody noses..and what does he get? A half an hour with dora and a back rub...I dont think anyone should abuse their child, but I'm not going to quit fantasizing about throwing him off a building when he does shit like that....He is an only child, and a boy, and bored out of his mind. I can only do so much. But if I get a fucking turd wiped on my arm one more time that fucker is getting hung from the cieling fan.
3. HAYLIE "CUNT" DUFF
athough I detest Hillary Duff, nothing could prepare me for the onslaught of hatred when I layed my eyeballs on her big nosed haggish jew sister. She may be the kindest human being in the world, but due to her visage, I want to torture her to the limits of the human soul. She cocks and flips her head in a manner which is reminicient of a whorish idiot jew. Her name is haylie, I think. Not sure, don't care. all I do care about is doing an abortion of every major organ in her torso.

4. KAYNE WEST AND HIS TILT A WHIRL OF BULLSHIT

ok not his persona, but his
obsession with blaming every inconvenience in his life on racism. This guy is a complete dipshit. He has no idea what the fuck he is talking about. I listen to him, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But when he rambles on about constantly being dumped on, and how every single thing he finds to be unjust is due to racism, it makes me want to gold dig his face off with a sand wedge. First off, no one who made millions of dollars being able to do what he loves can complain about anything, it should be a law, a golden rule, it should be above the law. If you make enough money to wipe your ass with 20's then you need to shut your pie hole. I am frustrated with him mostly over two arguments.
A. His famous "george bush doesnt care about black people" shit spewing fest with mike meyers. First off dip shit, those people knew two weeks ahead of time what was going to happen, but they just stayed there, and when the shit hit the fan, and they all got stuck in fucksville, they wanted everyone to come and carry them out. Why do you think they told you to get out in the first place idiot? And second, techincally it is the states job to take care of you, not the president. And in case your eyeballs only see in negro, you should know that more than one color of human being lives there.
B. The VMA's bullshit fest. Why exactly do you think you should perform over anyone else? because your record is number one? Fuck you. Why do you feel so entitled you shit stain? There are officially 2.3 billion hip hop artists on the planet, and you are just one of them..and they are just as annoying as you are.
So, in closing, I would like to say Kanye, to kindly shut the fuck up, and assure you that the reason everyone hates you is not because you are black, but because you are a stupid nigger.
5. IDIOTS VS TELEVISION
When people don't understand/like awesome fucking tv shows. There are a just a few shows on tv, and I know for a fact, with everything I am, if you do not like them or get the genius behind them, that you are a moron, a boring moron. These arent all my favorites, but they are specific enough to weed out idiots. Nothing gets me in the mood for impaling like some self diagnosed elitist telling me how boring curb your enthusiam is. What? are you kidding? nice joke. No seriously. I would rather all the babies die on the planet then have to spend 5 minutes with someone who doesnt "get" why these shows are AMAZING. So, If you by chance, do not like one fucking show on my list. exit yourself from my life...you child rapist dunce.
1. Curb your Enthusiasm
2. Arrested Development
3. The office
4. Flight of the Conchords
5 Extras
6. Aqua teen hunger force
7. Strangers with Candy.
First off, If you dont like the office, your brain needs to be physically removed from your skull, because your a corpse. Second, if you don't get Arrested Develpment, its because your too fucking stupid to appreciate it. 3. fuck you and 4. refer to number 3.
good day.

My dog eats cock.

I recently bought my dogs treats at mounds. I usually switch up the treats every other week. So, I found this fun little twisty beef chews that I thought would be a bit of fun for the palate of my canines.

They called it "Beef Pizzle" I figured pizzle was a fun way to describe the twisty twirly roller coaster ride-eque shape that they were.

WRONG

fact:
American Heritage Dictionary - Cite This Source .. google_ad_section_start(name=def) -->
..>
piz·zle (p--z'?l) Pronunciation Key ..BOF_HEAD-->n. ..EOF_HEAD--> ..BOF_DEF-->
The penis of an animal, especially a bull.
A whip made from a bull's penis.

Thank you dictionary.com for sharing the knowledge with me, that I am feeding my dogs bull dicks. Stretched out twisted bull dicks. My dogs eat cock. Nice. nice thing to have to be a fact. Who's job is it exactly to cut a bulls cock off? And don't they keep bulls? how are there so many dead bulls that they can make snacks out of their phalices? Are they from bull fights in spain? I really want nothing to do with these beefy peniss anymore.
I spit on you person who twists and bends and then tricks another with cutsey clever names for the horror that is this product. Curse you bull pizzle. curse you to hell.
also, I'd like to address the fact, that bull cock is also used to make whips. uh, whips? Why would you ever ever do that? First off, why do you need a whip? and second, grow some hemp fuck face. Its bad enough to get beaten with a whip, but knowing that it was the semen transfer system for a male vache is just too much to bear.
I'm done with you pizzle.

Crushing.

Lora, can you give me an example of a word, that in some instances can be cool, and then when used as a really strange adjective for something else, can be the most putrid of all words?

why yes Lora, I can!!

Lora? What Word?

This word my dear self..is Crushing.

Inevitably in every cock sucking survey people post on myspace, there is a question about "crushing" on someone. Now if I took this question literally, it would sound like this:

Question 21. Is there anyone that you are currently smashing with blunt force, with prefferably a two ton slab of metal, until pressed into an easily discarded pancake?

The answer, unless you are a truly odd and sadistic human being is NO. No question number
21. No, I am not currently smashing anyone with any amount of tonnage.
for some reason, this word also reminds me of fizzy red soda on Ice. But that is neither here nor there.

I think it is really stupid of the word police to allow this to happen any longer. and for that matter, is there a word police? Why not?? I digress...If you want to know the answer to this question, why not just ask if this person has a physical or emotional attraction to someone, that they (the other person) is not aware of? Or how about this:

Question 21. Is there any dude/chick you want to make it with?
Not really clever, but not nearly as heinous as the previous.

Here is an example where crushing is a great word: WHEN SMASHING A CAN. Yeah, thats it. I bet you thought I was going to go on about it, but no, I did not, because smashing a can is awesome. For example, how awesome does the following sentence sound:

"Last night, I was in a fit of recycling rage, and I ended up crushing 200 empty fresca cans with my bare hands, all I have to say is, my paws really took one for the enviroment."

WOW? REALLY? .......I LOVE THE WORD CRUSHING.

But not the way it is currently being tossed about. After aknowleding my previous question, I decided that I am now founding a word police force. I am going to smash the face of anyone who uses this wonderful verb, in a manner in any way other than destroying something.
and for that matter, how exactly does destroying something, translate into having giddy feelings for someone?

You got me survey people. You certainly got me.

Fuck you fugs.

alright, its about time that I address one of my biggest pet peaves on the planet.

FAUX PURSES (dun dun dun)

nothing erks me more, than some asshole running around with a prado bag.

I was thinking about freaking out about this for a while, but my recent shopping trip online, sent me over the edge. I have been feverishly looking for the coach legacy boot. They stopped selling them just as fast as they made them. Then.. I found some really cute coach hobo bags on some random site, and almost bought them, when I realized the C was a fucking D. what the hell? Whats the point of pretending you can afford something. Your an idiot. that way, your just pretending to be a person with one, Geez, I hate you person.
listen you dumb whore, no one is going to beleive some white trash idiot, wearing a "100 % bitch t-shirt and wrangler jeans, can afford a louis vuitton purse. I don't understand what the point is.

The entire idea, of these bags, is that they are a luxury, a special, very well made, present for yourself. Not just for any idiot to get at a kiosk in the mall. I was at Neimans last year, and was about to buy a really spectacular prada bag, when I was on the phone with my sister, she said " whats the point, everyone has a fake one" and she was right. I have now been forced to use less "copied" bags. I am afraid to even mention marc jacobs for fear that some nasty bitch working at macdonalds will go out and make a replica.


and for that matter. fake ugs or "fugs" as I so kindly call them, make me want to put a fist through your face. There is a reason ugs are so expensive, they are awesome. They last forever, and keep your feet fucking toasty. These nasty cotton stuffed snow boots you buy yourself at walmart to look cool, are giant tan peices of shit.

I'm sure to most of you, this seems stupid, but when you spent almost a thousand dollars on a purse or more, you get really annoyed when you see one exactly like it under the arm of the girl selling you your pintos and cheese.
WORD