I hate paul giamatti...am I spelling that incorrect? Is he one of your mentors? Aww boo fucking hoo.
If so, immediately stab yourself in an artery with shard of a smashed "sideways" dvd.
I've always been rather annoyed with his giant face. But tonight, after watching the "illutionist" I will forever cringe at his roundy scruffy stick out eyeball catchers mitt mug.
It wasn't that bad, but at the end. They did this whole "realization" sequence, where his character was going over previous events, and they were all coming together in this grand epiphony. During which, the camera is spinning around him and he starts to open his mouth to reveal this creepy, clown-esque grin on his nasty face.
Honestly, it was supposed to be exciting, but all I felt was nausious and semi terrified. I forgot what I was watching and was convinced it was a version of killer clowns set in the 1900's staring a recently obese Paul Giamatti.
I wanted to lance his head open
Why does he freak out so much? seriously. This guy is geekin out big time. How much coke to do shove in your googly eyes giamatti? In every interview, movie, tv show I've ever seen him in, his always seems as if he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown after drinking 10 gallons of coffee. I'm always suprised when there is no piss stain on his pants after an appearance. Calm down idiot.
Fuck you Paul. You overrated piece of nervosa.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
The McBain of my existance.
So..this is the thing...a 8x10 sq ft piece of linoleum is the bain of my existance.
I love cleaning. But I avoid my bathroom floor as if it were coated in a bloody wash of ebola juices. Because...I cannot clean my bathroom floor.
this is what happens...
I sweep the floor. Problem. Hunks of hair and dirtyness that appear from nowhere cling to my broom and just get wiped around on the floor, making it dirtier. I bang my broom on the tub, but they wont come off. so I have to go get gloves on and clean my broom off. Its retarded.
Next. I mop the floor. WRONG. more like next I smear hairballs coated in pubes around on my floor until I get insanly pissed off and whip my mop across the bathroom. Where does this shit come from? and why does it refuse to go along with my attempts to rid myself of it? usually I Just end up quitting and watching passions for an hour until I calm down, or sucking it up and getting on my knees and picking up every single thing with my hands. Even when I do, again. when I start to mop, shit just starts globbing around and makes my floor look like the pube shaving room in prison.
this is bullshit. I hate it. I'm hiring someone to do this from now on. and while she's at it. she can eat my out and change the diaper genie.
I love cleaning. But I avoid my bathroom floor as if it were coated in a bloody wash of ebola juices. Because...I cannot clean my bathroom floor.
this is what happens...
I sweep the floor. Problem. Hunks of hair and dirtyness that appear from nowhere cling to my broom and just get wiped around on the floor, making it dirtier. I bang my broom on the tub, but they wont come off. so I have to go get gloves on and clean my broom off. Its retarded.
Next. I mop the floor. WRONG. more like next I smear hairballs coated in pubes around on my floor until I get insanly pissed off and whip my mop across the bathroom. Where does this shit come from? and why does it refuse to go along with my attempts to rid myself of it? usually I Just end up quitting and watching passions for an hour until I calm down, or sucking it up and getting on my knees and picking up every single thing with my hands. Even when I do, again. when I start to mop, shit just starts globbing around and makes my floor look like the pube shaving room in prison.
this is bullshit. I hate it. I'm hiring someone to do this from now on. and while she's at it. she can eat my out and change the diaper genie.
I hate kids.
It should be legal to kill kids.
ugly, chicklet toothed, chubby, whiney,obnoxious turds of children.
I hate kids.
I can't even count how many times I've fantasized about taking a crow bar to some 5 year olds drive in movie theatre forehead while they whined about the hot wheel they want in the line at the grocery store.
"but I want it mommy"
yeah, well I wanted a vagina that didn't drag on the floor, but we don't all get what we want, do we timmy?
I fucking hate kids.
I realize that this seems strange as I have one, but he is 2 years old, and adorable, and says things like "poop is discusting" and he would be right. But don't get me wrong, if he grows huge teeth and wears fat boy underwear he will get beaten.
I think the children I hate the most, are the ones who think they are talented. Think being the operative word. I guess I hate the parents more, for taking these innocent children with a normal self esteem, and then blowing their psudo cock ego's until they exploded into a blimp sized nauseating blob of self adoration and narcissism.
every single mother, who wants their daughter/son to be famous says this line.
"since they day they were born, they were just special, they can act, and dance and sing. Everyone who hears her/him sing is just shocked at how amazing they are. We have been told by everyone we know, that he/she will be famous. Its going to happen. Its just a matter of when"
really?
Well if thats true than 205 billion people are about to make it into the acting/singing/modeling/dancing industry.
and by "everyone you know" you really mean the 5 obese women at your pta meeting.
idiots.
I want to annihilate half the children on the planet.
I hate little girls who think they are pretty and arent.
If I had a girl, and she was nasty, I would be honest, well maybe not that honest, but I would tell her to pursue something that could get her somewhere, like being funny, or really good at hand jobs. I wouldn't lie to her and tell her she wasn't a perfect understudy for hatchetface.
I hate girls more, little ugly smiley girls who think they can sing. "oh listen to me" she says. Yeah you sound like shit. no, really, really bad. Your voice sounds like a fog horn being pumped through a 12 year olds ugly face.
I am not above saying a kid is talented. Dakota Fanning? she's talented. some black girl on some show I saw once? Very talented singer. I wasn't above saying that. you know what else? the good ones never talk about it. Because there parents were good parents and beat the esteem out of them.
If my son is ever good at anything, I'll flush his head down the toilet until he admits he is good at nothing except wasting space....and then I'll watch his talent bloom. Just like oprah.
ugly, chicklet toothed, chubby, whiney,obnoxious turds of children.
I hate kids.
I can't even count how many times I've fantasized about taking a crow bar to some 5 year olds drive in movie theatre forehead while they whined about the hot wheel they want in the line at the grocery store.
"but I want it mommy"
yeah, well I wanted a vagina that didn't drag on the floor, but we don't all get what we want, do we timmy?
I fucking hate kids.
I realize that this seems strange as I have one, but he is 2 years old, and adorable, and says things like "poop is discusting" and he would be right. But don't get me wrong, if he grows huge teeth and wears fat boy underwear he will get beaten.
I think the children I hate the most, are the ones who think they are talented. Think being the operative word. I guess I hate the parents more, for taking these innocent children with a normal self esteem, and then blowing their psudo cock ego's until they exploded into a blimp sized nauseating blob of self adoration and narcissism.
every single mother, who wants their daughter/son to be famous says this line.
"since they day they were born, they were just special, they can act, and dance and sing. Everyone who hears her/him sing is just shocked at how amazing they are. We have been told by everyone we know, that he/she will be famous. Its going to happen. Its just a matter of when"
really?
Well if thats true than 205 billion people are about to make it into the acting/singing/modeling/dancing industry.
and by "everyone you know" you really mean the 5 obese women at your pta meeting.
idiots.
I want to annihilate half the children on the planet.
I hate little girls who think they are pretty and arent.
If I had a girl, and she was nasty, I would be honest, well maybe not that honest, but I would tell her to pursue something that could get her somewhere, like being funny, or really good at hand jobs. I wouldn't lie to her and tell her she wasn't a perfect understudy for hatchetface.
I hate girls more, little ugly smiley girls who think they can sing. "oh listen to me" she says. Yeah you sound like shit. no, really, really bad. Your voice sounds like a fog horn being pumped through a 12 year olds ugly face.
I am not above saying a kid is talented. Dakota Fanning? she's talented. some black girl on some show I saw once? Very talented singer. I wasn't above saying that. you know what else? the good ones never talk about it. Because there parents were good parents and beat the esteem out of them.
If my son is ever good at anything, I'll flush his head down the toilet until he admits he is good at nothing except wasting space....and then I'll watch his talent bloom. Just like oprah.
Anorexia the diet of the strong.
False: Anorexia doesnt work
True: It does.
and to be honest, its the only thing that ever has worked. I'm not saying, the half an apple a day diet that you have to be on to get on the dr.Phil show. I'm the first one who would admit that being able to point out your entire skeleton is gross. I just mean, starving yourself in a cute way, only to the point that people say "geez eat something" and "don't you want more than those grapes"
all I've ever heard about this wonderful "disease" is how if you eat barely anything, then you will never burn anything, and when you start eating again, you will gain it all back.
WRONG
really? is that how it is mr "facts" Well this so called "disease" that doesnt work, helped me lose 60 pounds in two months, and I felt awesome. Not to mention all the sausage I got because of which. (by sausage I mean intercourse with men)
I am starting a mission, to end the anti anorexia propaganda, which Is most likely just put out there by fat bitches and macdonalds upper management.
fact is, anorexia is our friend, come on, eating isint that much fun, and its gross. Well thats what you have to convince yourself to live on 300 calories a day. You eat barely anything until you lose weight, then eat healthy and normal, work out. Your good.
I know what some of you are saying, "But lora, you did gain it back, you fat load" yes, I did, but not for 3 years, and only because I had a baby. so fuck you you anti anorexia bastard. Your just jealous because you love jelly toast so much, you could never leave it.
I have to go, I'm going to start practicing bulemia too. I figure with the two, I'm set for life.
True: It does.
and to be honest, its the only thing that ever has worked. I'm not saying, the half an apple a day diet that you have to be on to get on the dr.Phil show. I'm the first one who would admit that being able to point out your entire skeleton is gross. I just mean, starving yourself in a cute way, only to the point that people say "geez eat something" and "don't you want more than those grapes"
all I've ever heard about this wonderful "disease" is how if you eat barely anything, then you will never burn anything, and when you start eating again, you will gain it all back.
WRONG
really? is that how it is mr "facts" Well this so called "disease" that doesnt work, helped me lose 60 pounds in two months, and I felt awesome. Not to mention all the sausage I got because of which. (by sausage I mean intercourse with men)
I am starting a mission, to end the anti anorexia propaganda, which Is most likely just put out there by fat bitches and macdonalds upper management.
fact is, anorexia is our friend, come on, eating isint that much fun, and its gross. Well thats what you have to convince yourself to live on 300 calories a day. You eat barely anything until you lose weight, then eat healthy and normal, work out. Your good.
I know what some of you are saying, "But lora, you did gain it back, you fat load" yes, I did, but not for 3 years, and only because I had a baby. so fuck you you anti anorexia bastard. Your just jealous because you love jelly toast so much, you could never leave it.
I have to go, I'm going to start practicing bulemia too. I figure with the two, I'm set for life.
The straw that broke Rachael Ray's back.
Stupid Bitch. For months, almost a year now, Everyday I see Rachel "big face" Ray's mug on everything imaginable. She has a daytime show, she's on Oprah, she has cooking books and cooking video's and a line of cookware at target blah blah blah..... And to be honest its not just the blatant selling out that bothers me, its her, my god I hate her, her with her gigantic mouth, and always waving her stupid arms around. Could she possibly overreact more about some stupid food? We get it rach, its the best f'ing salami sandwich with arugula in the history of the world, but do you need to have a fucking aneurysm over it? Its food you fat fuck, and it shows, you're a tubby bitch..
anyway, I was honestly going to keep my mouth shut, sure she is annoying but who isn't these days and I was just going to roll my eyes silently every time I saw Mick Jagger mouth times a billion on television and go on with my day. But not now, now that would be impossible and this is why: I went to go get a cracker for my two year old at my parents house yesterday, I saw a box of those overly salted by somehow delicious "chicken in a biscuit" crackers. I pull them out of the cupboard and before I can open the damn flap, I see Rachel Ray's Hydrosephalic head covering half the fucking box waving her hands around like she was the one who came up with the recipe for chicken in a biscuit. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? First of all these stupid shitty crackers have been around for about 80 years, how does she have any place to jump on the artificially flavored chicken cracker train? SHE DOESN'T. She is an attention whore, anything that has anything to do with food, she has to be a part of. Maybe if you didn't eat so much your head would shrink to the size of a normal human being you sasquatch bitch.
A good ending to this story is that I found out about a week ago, that her husband has been cheating on her with hookers for 6 years. Even better is that he doesn't screw them, he just pays them to pee on him and mash his face into things. If I was married to someone with a mouth that spanned the vastness of space, I would want my face mushed too.
Bottom line: Rachel Ray is my mortal enemy, and if I see her mug on a box of Marinara flavored tampons, I'm driving to fatville where she lives and choke her to death with a kilbasa.
EAT SHIT RACH!!!! :)
anyway, I was honestly going to keep my mouth shut, sure she is annoying but who isn't these days and I was just going to roll my eyes silently every time I saw Mick Jagger mouth times a billion on television and go on with my day. But not now, now that would be impossible and this is why: I went to go get a cracker for my two year old at my parents house yesterday, I saw a box of those overly salted by somehow delicious "chicken in a biscuit" crackers. I pull them out of the cupboard and before I can open the damn flap, I see Rachel Ray's Hydrosephalic head covering half the fucking box waving her hands around like she was the one who came up with the recipe for chicken in a biscuit. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? First of all these stupid shitty crackers have been around for about 80 years, how does she have any place to jump on the artificially flavored chicken cracker train? SHE DOESN'T. She is an attention whore, anything that has anything to do with food, she has to be a part of. Maybe if you didn't eat so much your head would shrink to the size of a normal human being you sasquatch bitch.
A good ending to this story is that I found out about a week ago, that her husband has been cheating on her with hookers for 6 years. Even better is that he doesn't screw them, he just pays them to pee on him and mash his face into things. If I was married to someone with a mouth that spanned the vastness of space, I would want my face mushed too.
Bottom line: Rachel Ray is my mortal enemy, and if I see her mug on a box of Marinara flavored tampons, I'm driving to fatville where she lives and choke her to death with a kilbasa.
EAT SHIT RACH!!!! :)
Why you are an idiot.
If you are a fan of the song "beautiful" by James Blunt, you are a shit stain and let me tell you why, This lyric: "I don't know if I'll see you again, but we shared a moment that will last till the end" This is the lyrical equivilant of the fucking short bus. This is what went through his giant head when he came up with it. "well shit, I have a great hook, why don't I just take a dump for the rest of the song and get it out there and make money" nice. This song is so fucking predictable I get dry heaves when I listen to it. I literally have to plug my ears when I hear that part of the song because it rapes my brain.And what is the "end" exactly old blunty, the end of the song? the end of the world? or the date of your much anticipated death? either way it is fucking retarded. thats all I have to say about that and speaking of blunts, he should roll up a fatty and get some fucking creative inspiration, either that or get some pussy you metrosexual walking vagina.
Quick pick my foot up your ass.
Before I had kid I used to see these commercials all the time, for paper towels. It is always the same thing, Kid dumps some shit on the floor, mom cleans it up, smiling away. After becoming a mother/ part time housewife. I realize that this is the most bullshit advertising I have ever seen in my life. HAHAHAHA jimmy, did you just dump your entire juice on the floor? thats funny, I'll clean it up my little goofy man. yeaahhhh Listen lady if you have a 7 year old throwing around beverages and making you clean it up your a dipshit and need to be put out of your misery. Who the fuck let's their asshole kids run around and get shit all over? Oh I love the one with the 5 year old darkie that tries watering the linoleum with an entire gallon of milk, awwwwww how cute the black kid can't get the cereal bowl full. If that were my kid, (which is not far off due to my quenchless thirst for african americans) i would fucking drop kick that hershey squirt across the damn kitchen. Oh really? thats funny? how about I take your lego's and shove them up your ass one by one? Who would put up with that? idiots thats who. If your kid shits on you and your house, you need to promptly euthanize them. And thats all I have to say about that.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
