The McBain of my existance.

So..this is the thing...a 8x10 sq ft piece of linoleum is the bain of my existance.
I love cleaning. But I avoid my bathroom floor as if it were coated in a bloody wash of ebola juices. Because...I cannot clean my bathroom floor.
this is what happens...

I sweep the floor. Problem. Hunks of hair and dirtyness that appear from nowhere cling to my broom and just get wiped around on the floor, making it dirtier. I bang my broom on the tub, but they wont come off. so I have to go get gloves on and clean my broom off. Its retarded.

Next. I mop the floor. WRONG. more like next I smear hairballs coated in pubes around on my floor until I get insanly pissed off and whip my mop across the bathroom. Where does this shit come from? and why does it refuse to go along with my attempts to rid myself of it? usually I Just end up quitting and watching passions for an hour until I calm down, or sucking it up and getting on my knees and picking up every single thing with my hands. Even when I do, again. when I start to mop, shit just starts globbing around and makes my floor look like the pube shaving room in prison.
this is bullshit. I hate it. I'm hiring someone to do this from now on. and while she's at it. she can eat my out and change the diaper genie.